Friday, October 28, 2011

Ten Classic Movies Remade as Dog and Cat Films

YouTube runs the world now, and everyone knows that what runs YouTube is funny pet videos. The trend in Hollywood of course is classic films being remade, and because YouTube trends and stars have of late started to make the transfer to the big screen, inevitably the trend will hit Hollywood that famous films will be remade with dogs and cats as the stars.
In that vein, here is my slate of classic films with pet stars:
1. Apocalypse Meow
2. The Bark Knight
3. The Wizard of Paws
4. Raging Bull-Terrier
5. The Ma-Trixie
6. Litters from Iwo Jima
7. Indiana Bones and the Kennel of Doom
8. The Hunch-bark of Notre Dog
9. Furr-lock Holmes
10. Biter-man

Also Rans:
Saving Private Lion
You've Got Meow
Bone with the Wind (Left off the list for fairly obvious reasons.)

I couldn't stop thinking of "bark" titles:
Barking Dawn
Broke-bark Mountain
Bark to the Future
Paranormal Bark-tivity
etc...

Titles for those on the kennel club circuit:
Bichon the River Kwai
Empire of Dachsund
My Big Fat Greek Sheepdog
Seven Years in Tibetan Pug...
ET: The English Terrier
Citizen Cane Corso Italiano
The Hunt for Redbone Coonhound


Pretentious Attempts:
Eric Von Stroheims "Breed"
A Billion Dollar Pet Remake Franchise:
Hairy Paw-ter and the Sorcerer's Bone
Hairy Paw-ter and the Chamber of Meow mix
Hairy Paw-ter and the Prisoner of Azka-bark
Hairy Paw-ter and the Dog Bowl of Fire
Hairy Paw-ter and the Order of the Fleas/Ticks
Hairy Paw-ter and the Half Poodle Mix
Hairy Paw-ter and the Deafening Howls

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Ten Scary (Not Gory) Halloween Movies


So I LOVE Halloween. Don't ask me why! One of my favorite pastimes this time of year is getting a group together to watch a scary movie. Of course...it's not always easy to do that, and not alienate some member of the group. I've always enjoyed less is more filmmaking. So here are 10 GENUINELY scary films, that don't rely on (too much) gore, or cheap scares to bring the genuine screams:

1. Black Sabbath click title for more
Forget the cheesy looking/sounding voice dubs, and the fact that it was made in a cheesy period in horror. This movie contains one of the scariest sequences I've ever seen. It's a trilogy of scary tales, but you don't even have to watch the other two segments. Just watch the first one if you like.
Available on Netflix Instant Play - watch it now!.

2. The Others click title for more
I love this movie. Even knowing the ending it's still a classic.
Available on Netflix Instant Play - watch it now!.
Sidenote - Another scary film with a similar sounding name? "The Other".

3. The Changeling click title for more
I LOVE this film! It still scares me. Not a ton of people know about it. I think this is the film I would recommend the most for a fun group Halloween movie experience. It's the one I'm showing to my friends. (though I might change my mind 4 more times).

4. The Haunting click title for more
Just a plain old creepy classic from the guy who made The Sound of Music. This is almost as scary as that film. Classic less is more, old fashioned scares.
Sidenote: Don't be discouraged by the fact that the 1990's remake of this sucked!

5. Ghostwatch click title for more
Oh wow. This was a totally by chance film that I found trolling through IMDB forums a few Halloweens ago. It's a British film set in the form of one of those Mock-News Report shows from the 80's and 90's (ala' War of the Worlds). Give this one a bit of time, and you won't be disappointed. The ending still sticks with me. Apparently it caused QUITE a stir in Britain when they first showed it on the BBC in 1992. Read more about that here: The Ghostwatch Story
Sidenote: Good luck finding a copy though! YEESH! The first time I saw it I had to borrow it from a friend who downloaded it (a method I highly discourage). I recently found a copy on Amazon, and bought the last used (ie. not $99) DVD copy from a company in the UK. If you know me, I'll let you borrow it.

6. The Lady in White click title for more
Now I know this isn't a masterpiece, but it still has some genuinely creepy parts to it, and I enjoy it almost strictly for nostalgia sake. If you haven't seen it, I think you'll like it.
Sidenote: I must say I have high hopes for the completely unrelated film: "The Woman in Black" which is coming out soon.

7. Poltergeist click title for more
Even though this might seem a bit of a worn out cliche' as a Halloween movie, it is still really SUPER creepy, and shouldn't be discounted around Halloween time! The mirror scene...the clown...yeesh!
Sidenote: The chair scene was shot without cutting! Fun Fact!

8. 1408 click title for more
I feel like as with a lot of the films on this list this is one of those "love it or leave it" types. I happen to love it. One of the only mainstream modern scary studio movies.

9. Wait Until Dark click title for more
Of course. Gentleman, if you have a date on Halloween, show her this. She will cuddle...there will be cuddling. Not supernatural, but still super spooky.

10. The Innocents click title for more
Just recently watched this one. Wow....It was trippy. Whenever I feel like modern movies fail to scare me, I go back to films like these.


Sublist 1: Honorable Mentions (or stuff that just would have made the list way too long).
1. Burnt Offerings click title for more
This film scared the heck out of me as a child. Still has its creepy moments now. It's a 1976 made for TV movie, but let's be honest, can't a lot of us say that some of the scariest stuff we saw as children was made for TV. (The first half of "IT" anyone? ).

2. What Lies Beneath click title for more
I still get the heebyjeebies (sp) from this film. Great!

3. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (original version) click title for more
I didn't see the remake, but this one was creepy in the same way "Burnt Offerings" and "Black Sabbath" were. Old, a little bit cheesy, but still good.

4. The Watcher in the Woods click title for more
A Very creepy movie that was made for children, but...is really not for kids.


Sublist 2: Films I would not recommend watching with a group:
1. Audition click title for more
Too disturbing. Seriously, your girlfriend will hate you. I honestly don't remember who made me ever watch this in the first place but I hate them...oh actually I remember now. I hate you Paul.

2. The Exorcist click title for more
I regret the day I ever watched this by myself late one Halloween night. And that was just the TV version on AMC. I don't like movies about Satan. For some reason, I also did the exact same viewing experience with The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Watched it at 2am by myself. Ugh.

3. The Omen (Original Version) click title for more
Oh gosh, I saw this as a child, and it scared the heck out of me. Probably cheesy now, but still...I was utterly non-nice disturbed.